Ok, ok I had fun...

As the title says...the wedding was a good time. This is Vince and I. It was nice to dress up and get a babysitter for Bailey and really have a night out. I even danced which I said I wouldn't but I can't help myself. The wedding itself was beautiful, Lindy was gorgeous and it rained all morning (torrential!) We stayed until 11 then left to pick Bailey up from Logan's house. We hadn't planned on driving but Vince's parents wanted to leave and I didn't really drink a whole lot so I drove. I only had two drinks the whole night. Bailey did SO well with the babysitter!! I was worried to death that she would have a hard time getting to sleep and being in a house she hadn't really been in before, but I worried for nothing. Logan said she was wonderful all afternoon. She cried while we were there dropping her off, but as soon as we left she stopped.

We all sat together as a family and I think that was the worst part about it... Vince's brother Curt brought his girlfriend and I can't stand her! There are lots of reasons why that I won't divulge right now. I guess two easiest to explain is that she is married to another man and she is so annoying! She talks incessantly, and when she isn't talking it looks like she is sulking because the conversation and attention is directed to her. Ugh! I could go on, but I won't. So I spent as much of my time as possible either with Vince or a few of his cousins who I think are HILARIOUS! I just recently have gotten to know a few of them outside of "family get together's" and we have a lot of fun hanging out.

Here is the bride and groom and us at the end of the night. Jeff and Lindy Baker. They make a great couple, you can tell they really love and respect each other. They've decided not have to children. I guess Lindy has never wanted kids and by marrying someone who has had a vasectomy kinda seals that deal. I just hope that she never regrets that decision...even if it's 50 years from now. There is always adoption...

All in all a good time. Vince and I needed a night out pretty badly!

Sunday was just Bailey and I all day, Vince went up north with a friend to visit a long lost high school friend that they hadn't seen in over 10 years. It was hot and humid and I didn't feel like going anywhere, but Bailey was horrible all day! She was cranky and bratty, I should have found something for us to do to keep her occupied. Oh well...

My big fat problem

According to the American Obesity Association 54% of Women ages 20-34 are overweight. I'm one of them and I HATE it... But not enough to really do something about it apparently. I have all the same 'ol excuses and they are all bullshit. I had a baby (two years ago!); I can't afford the gym (I have sidewalks and their free!); I sit all day at work (and have an hour for lunch to walk around the lake!); healthy food is more expensive (make it a priority!); etc...

The thought of my weight almost never leaves my mind. While having a conversation with a stranger or co-worker, I'm thinking in the back of my head "I wonder if this person thinks I look gross." Or you know when you're driving and you see a cute guy in another lane and you kinda match speeds for a second to get a better look (ok, maybe that's just me). Well, I don't do that anymore because I don't want that guy to look over and vomit when he sees me gawking at him. I hate that my clothes don't fit well and if they do it's because I had to go to the "Plus Size" store to buy them. The crazy thing is when I was in high school I thought I was HUGE! I was the fat one of all my skinny friends, well... 60 lbs later I would LOVE to be that size again. I have this thing in my brain, like I'm supposed to be skinny. I will forget for a few minutes and imagine that I look good, then I'll catch my reflection in a window and look in the mirror in the bathroom and remember that I don't AT ALL. I even feel like it holds me back in my career. Like people don't take me seriously because I'm over weight, so I must be stupid.

There is really no one to blame but myself. Sometimes I find myself blaming Vince, because he is overweight too. I was just slightly over my goal weight when we met and since we got married I've gained so much. But I know it's not his fault, only mine. I wish I had someone around me that was a health nut, like I did when I was living in Maine. Someone to call me on a Saturday morning or Thursday afternoon and say get your ass outside and run with me. I need to be held accountable for my lack of exercise and poor diet by someone other than me. And there isn't anyone...

Can I just tell you how much I love to dance. More than almost anything in this world I love to dance. It doesn't really even matter what kind of dance, I just love it. I used to go out dancing with a few friends all the time, we would dance like crazy, sweat our asses off until all hours of the night and come home exhausted. I never go anymore... One, because no one I know here likes to go and I don't want to go by myself and two, because I know I look awful when I dance. All that chub jostling around does NOT look good. We are going to this wedding on Saturday and I probably won't get up once to dance, unless it's a slow song. I don't want people looking at me and thinking "Ew! She should not be up there!" Because I know that's what they are doing.

So, what I am going to do about it you say... Probably nothing... I always say I'm going to do this or that to get healthy, but I never do. So, I guess I'll shut the hell up about it until I do.

Sorry for the whine, it was totally unnecessary. But, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!

Just Keep Trying

I stopped using birth control almost a year ago in hopes of getting pregnant as fast as I did with Bailey, which only took about three months. So far we have had no luck, lots of excited moments, but always a negative test result. I haven't really decided if I'm upset or not about it. I've always believed that things happen for a reason and if I had gotten pregnant as soon as I had hoped I would have a new born at this very moment. Can I just say that this moment is the exact WRONG moment to have a newborn in my life! Vince's work is slow and I am in the payment plan from hell to pay off an old credit card, so financially it would be very hard. Not to mention Bailey is a MONSTER! She isn't even two yet and is being a pain in my ass! Don't get me wrong, I love love love her and 75% of the time she is a complete angel. Well behaved and already saying please and thank you, but that other 25% is hellacious! I would be out of my mind if I had her and a newborn all by myself all day.

So, everything is the way it is for a reason. Vince and I will keep trying and try not to stress about it too much. We really aren't even "trying" we are just going to let it happen. Although, lately I have been using this http://www.webmd.com/baby/healthtool-ovulation-calculator ovulation calculator to figure out when I'm the most fertile. Vince is definitely not complaining when we have sex more than our usual once or twice a week during that fertility period. That's this week, BTW, that's what made me think to write about.

This weekend should be fun, we have a wedding on Saturday for one of Vince's millions of cousins. Bailey is going to have her first real babysitter that night. I'm a little nervous for some reason. I mean she goes to daycare a couple days a week and to my sister in laws the rest of the days, but I think it's the fact that it's at at different house and she will be putting Beebs to bed. I'm worried that she won't go down and be a cranky pants for poor Logan. So Vince and I will be kid less for the first time in a LONG time and his mom offered to drive so we can relax and have a few drinks! WOO HOO!

Now, I'm off to think of a subject to write about tomorrow...

Stealing a good Idea

I've noticed in the last few days that a lot of people add a beautiful photo to the top of each of their blogs that are relevant to their post. That's a good idea, I'm gonna steal it.

I'm supposed to be working, but I'm distracted today. I have over 80 things in my task list thanks to Delores quiting without notice after her medical leave of absence. I have so much to do I feel like I don't know where to start, which makes me want to procrastinate. Ron (boss) had said they would hire someone else as soon as possible, but told me yesterday that he had been told it's not in the budget to hire another person. So...I'm stuck doing the work of two people for the time being. At least I don't to worry about being let go, job security...

My in laws came over for dinner last night. Vince didn't work yesterday so he made his chili (which I LOVE!) and invited his parents and sister over to share. Our house is really to small to have all those people over, but we ended up hanging out outside for most the evening anyway. 13 people is way to many for a tiny little duplex apartment. We have a nice big front yard so it's easy to send all the kids outside and out of the way. I wish it was fenced in so I would feel more comfortable letting Bailey out there and I could relax a little more and not worry about her trying to run into the road.

I wonder what the secret is to making your blog a "blog of note" on here. Some of the authors are fantastic writers and have great ideas and stories to share. Maybe that's it. I need to learn a little more about linking things and being a little more creative I guess.

Bye for now...

Well there, I figured that out. This is Bailey at 22 months.

Still trying to figure it all out.

Well that was a pain in the ass. My previous blog was set up under my old yahoo email address and I wanted it to be under my gmail address. It took me an hour to figure out how that I can import and export them. GRR! But it's all figured out and I promise I actually use paragraphs when typing.

Now if only I can figure out how to add photos...I guess one step at at time. My lunch hour is over so I guess it's back to work for me...

I'm supposed to be working...

ORIGINALLY POSTED 8/4/2009

SOS was ok last night. It was just Shawn (the leader of the group), me and one other woman who's son died by suicide in '08. She is the third woman in our group who's daughter in law is keeping her grandchildren away since their husbands died. I think it is so tragic that those poor children will not know their grandparents because of an awful mistake. It is not the children or the parents of the suicide's fault. It's no ones fault, how terrible that that poor wife feels like she has to alienate her children way from her husbands family for one reason or another.Sometimes I feel like I don't need to go to the meetings. I'm not in as must pain and grief as some of the others in the group who's loved one died much more recently than Mom. Maybe it's selfish, but I like going and I've noticed that Shawn calls on me a lot to give some perspective about what life will be like after years have passed, not weeks or months. When the pain permeates your entire life, not allowing you to breathe or function beyond the grief it's hard to believe that you will get through it and be able to move forward with your life.

We found a location for the Survivors of Suicide day for Oakland county. It will be held at Birmingham Unitarian Church. I haven't been there, but Shawn assured me it was a great place and a really good price for the day, which is important for our tiny budget. I am a little worried about people confusing this day for a religious one, which it's not. Also, it's not equipped with a projection screen for the web show so it will have to be shown on a couple TVs. But for $65 for the entire day...we will make it work.

The next step is getting the flyer's made and start working on advertising the day on the radio and newspapers. I do believe we are going to create Twitter and Facebook pages for it too. Here is the link to the AFSP website talking about SOS day.http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?page_id=FEE7D778-CF08-CB44-DA1285B6BBCF366E

ORIGINALLY POSTED 8/3/2009

I honestly completely forgot that I even got this started... I've just recently started reading a few blogs and it reminded me of my own. I should really just think of this as a diary for myself rather than something others will see because my life is way to boring for anyone else to pay attention to...

Tonight I have a Survivors of Suicide meeting at 7. I have two and a half hours to kill before hand so I think I'll get something to eat, subway maybe and head over to Royal Oak. I brought 'Confessions of a Shopaholic' to watch on my laptop. Vince didn't have any interest in watching it so this is the best opportunity for my to watch it. I hope my laptop battery lasts... As morbid as it sounds I actually look forward to the SOS meetings on the first and third Mondays of the month. It breaks up the monotony of my life and gives me some me time without Bailey or Vince...it's just about me. And Mom.... Her birthday is this month, I've been thinking alot about her lately, I miss her and I wish Bailey could know her.

I bought my tickets for my trip to Maine in September for Pam's wedding. I'm a little nervous about traveling alone with Bailey. She has been such a handful lately I'm more than slightly worried that I won't be able to hand her by myself. I'm excited to go though! I can't wait to see all my girls and hang out with my dad. I miss them so much. I feel like I miss everything fun while I'm stuck in Michigan. I shouldn't think like that, but I do. Well, I'm just about out of time at work so I'll stop now.

Here's to an emotional evening...

First Blog Ever

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON 12/23

Well, since this is my first blog and even though the chances of anybody reading it are slim, I thought I would talk a little bit about myself.My name is Sarah, I'm 23 years old and I live in Holly, MI. I've been married for almost 2.5 years and I have a 15 month old daughter, Bailey. I grew up in Southern Maine where I met my (future) husband online, much to my parents chagrin. I moved to his hometown in 2005, simply transferring my job from one office to another, very easy. We got married in September of 2006 and I was pregnant three months later.

I work in the insurance industry as an Underwriters assistant. I hope to one day move up to become a full underwriter. I need to finish my insurance classed before that can happen. Life is a little crazy lately and my education has fallen to the side.

In January 2007 my mother committed suicide. It is something that I still struggle with and especially during the holiday season. I find myself dwelling on it and what life would be like if she had not taken her life. I wish that she could have known her granddaughter because I know her life would have been bright enough with her in it to keep my mom alive. At least I'd like to hope that. If anything good as come out of her traumatic death, it is that mine and my fathers relationship has become closer and stronger than it ever has.That is pretty much my life in a nutshell. I decided to create this blog not because my life is that interesting or exciting to anyone else, but to have a place to vent and speak my mind. Even if it is just for me.