Happy Birthday Mom

My mom, Corrine.  Fall 2005

She would have been 47 today.  It's hard to imagine that actually.  What would she look like?  Would she have grey hair?  Would she be complaining about wrinkles around her eyes?  Would she be proud of me...

I feel like I have moved past the pain from her death.  It's not a sharp pain so much as a dull ache when I think of her.  It hurts the most when I think about how much she would love Bailey and how much B would have loved her.  My mom was amazing with kids and she would have been the best grandmother around.  

I've been thinking about going back to SOS, but it's been so long since I've been there.  Do I really need to go or do I just want to see Shawn or Amelia again.  To connect with someone who understands.  I don't feel comfortable going because of how I ended it on the crisis line.  It was so sudden and I don't want them to be mad at me about it.  

I think the fact that I just went off on a tangent about something other than my mom in the middle of a post about her birthday means I'm ok with her death.  I always miss her and need her. I'll always have questions about why she had to use that gun, but I've moved past most of the hurt.  

I think I'll call my dad and see how he is doing today.  Happy Birthday Mom. I love you so much.