According to the American Obesity Association 54% of Women ages 20-34 are overweight. I'm one of them and I HATE it... But not enough to really do something about it apparently. I have all the same 'ol excuses and they are all bullshit. I had a baby (two years ago!); I can't afford the gym (I have sidewalks and their free!); I sit all day at work (and have an hour for lunch to walk around the lake!); healthy food is more expensive (make it a priority!); etc...
The thought of my weight almost never leaves my mind. While having a conversation with a stranger or co-worker, I'm thinking in the back of my head "I wonder if this person thinks I look gross." Or you know when you're driving and you see a cute guy in another lane and you kinda match speeds for a second to get a better look (ok, maybe that's just me). Well, I don't do that anymore because I don't want that guy to look over and vomit when he sees me gawking at him. I hate that my clothes don't fit well and if they do it's because I had to go to the "Plus Size" store to buy them. The crazy thing is when I was in high school I thought I was HUGE! I was the fat one of all my skinny friends, well... 60 lbs later I would LOVE to be that size again. I have this thing in my brain, like I'm supposed to be skinny. I will forget for a few minutes and imagine that I look good, then I'll catch my reflection in a window and look in the mirror in the bathroom and remember that I don't AT ALL. I even feel like it holds me back in my career. Like people don't take me seriously because I'm over weight, so I must be stupid.
There is really no one to blame but myself. Sometimes I find myself blaming Vince, because he is overweight too. I was just slightly over my goal weight when we met and since we got married I've gained so much. But I know it's not his fault, only mine. I wish I had someone around me that was a health nut, like I did when I was living in Maine. Someone to call me on a Saturday morning or Thursday afternoon and say get your ass outside and run with me. I need to be held accountable for my lack of exercise and poor diet by someone other than me. And there isn't anyone...
Can I just tell you how much I love to dance. More than almost anything in this world I love to dance. It doesn't really even matter what kind of dance, I just love it. I used to go out dancing with a few friends all the time, we would dance like crazy, sweat our asses off until all hours of the night and come home exhausted. I never go anymore... One, because no one I know here likes to go and I don't want to go by myself and two, because I know I look awful when I dance. All that chub jostling around does NOT look good. We are going to this wedding on Saturday and I probably won't get up once to dance, unless it's a slow song. I don't want people looking at me and thinking "Ew! She should not be up there!" Because I know that's what they are doing.
So, what I am going to do about it you say... Probably nothing... I always say I'm going to do this or that to get healthy, but I never do. So, I guess I'll shut the hell up about it until I do.
Sorry for the whine, it was totally unnecessary. But, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!
The thought of my weight almost never leaves my mind. While having a conversation with a stranger or co-worker, I'm thinking in the back of my head "I wonder if this person thinks I look gross." Or you know when you're driving and you see a cute guy in another lane and you kinda match speeds for a second to get a better look (ok, maybe that's just me). Well, I don't do that anymore because I don't want that guy to look over and vomit when he sees me gawking at him. I hate that my clothes don't fit well and if they do it's because I had to go to the "Plus Size" store to buy them. The crazy thing is when I was in high school I thought I was HUGE! I was the fat one of all my skinny friends, well... 60 lbs later I would LOVE to be that size again. I have this thing in my brain, like I'm supposed to be skinny. I will forget for a few minutes and imagine that I look good, then I'll catch my reflection in a window and look in the mirror in the bathroom and remember that I don't AT ALL. I even feel like it holds me back in my career. Like people don't take me seriously because I'm over weight, so I must be stupid.
There is really no one to blame but myself. Sometimes I find myself blaming Vince, because he is overweight too. I was just slightly over my goal weight when we met and since we got married I've gained so much. But I know it's not his fault, only mine. I wish I had someone around me that was a health nut, like I did when I was living in Maine. Someone to call me on a Saturday morning or Thursday afternoon and say get your ass outside and run with me. I need to be held accountable for my lack of exercise and poor diet by someone other than me. And there isn't anyone...
Can I just tell you how much I love to dance. More than almost anything in this world I love to dance. It doesn't really even matter what kind of dance, I just love it. I used to go out dancing with a few friends all the time, we would dance like crazy, sweat our asses off until all hours of the night and come home exhausted. I never go anymore... One, because no one I know here likes to go and I don't want to go by myself and two, because I know I look awful when I dance. All that chub jostling around does NOT look good. We are going to this wedding on Saturday and I probably won't get up once to dance, unless it's a slow song. I don't want people looking at me and thinking "Ew! She should not be up there!" Because I know that's what they are doing.
So, what I am going to do about it you say... Probably nothing... I always say I'm going to do this or that to get healthy, but I never do. So, I guess I'll shut the hell up about it until I do.
Sorry for the whine, it was totally unnecessary. But, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to!
4 comments:
Hey, I know it is tough. Believe me, I am also in that percentile that you talked about. I wouldn't mind losing some weight, but I know I never want to be a twig. I know that I have been learning lately to love and accept myself. It has been hard, but I am learning. You seem so wonderful and beautiful. I will continue to read. [:
Thank you so much Candace! Its good to hear that Im not the only one feeling like that sometimes.
Ughhh getting healthy is a perpetual struggle. I will probably never truly be healthy as long as I live within driving distance of a bakery.
TECHNICALLY I'm overweight too. Of course, I have T-shirt melons the size of cantelopes so that doesn't help me much. I think it's also about how you look and feel as well. I don't appear to be overweight, and I also exercise and feel very well. It'd be much easier with an exercise buddy though.
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